


Blue Eyes and Bright Red Blood

by sabrielisjustperfectmkay (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Crushes, Cutting, Kisses, M/M, Sad Karkat, Song Lyrics, Sweet John, idk just John's vv sweet and helpful to karkat, sadstuck au, tw depression, tw self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-06
Updated: 2014-12-06
Packaged: 2018-02-28 07:48:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2724431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sabrielisjustperfectmkay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i suck at tagging and summaries so</p><p> </p><p>Karkats sad, the voices in his head have finally pushed him to his breaking point and then John finds him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Eyes and Bright Red Blood

**Author's Note:**

>   [A/N THIS IS A MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING THERE ARE DEPICTIONS OF SELF HARM READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION AND PLEASE DON'T HURT YOURSELF DARLING YOU'RE SO VERY LOVELY.] 

     Help I have done it again.  
          I have been here  
         many times before.

Karkat was laying on the human type bed, curled up in a ball. His face was covered in tear tracks and his breathing was shallow and coming in too fast.

His thoughts were on a loop It's  all you're fault, you're a terrible leader,you could've done better, you're just a mutant freak failure.

His sobs were getting caught in the back of his throat as he thought about the last couple months, playing that stupid horrible game.

He'd failed everyone he'd let all his friends down. Not to mention Gamzee his morail had gone A.W.O.L.

He should never have become the leader,all he did was get people killed.

      Hurt myself again today  
      and the worst part is  
   there is no one else to blame 

His crying slowed down,but his mind did not instead it kept on telling him how worthless he was, that he was a failure.

He slowly sat himself up still curled up but upright. He sat there eyes open  but not seeing,he was still battling with his mind.

His sobs had stopped now, and he felt guilt and shame crashing down on him,his mind telling him they  would all be better off without him,he deserved to be punished for his failures.

He slowly uncurled and placed his feet on the ground,then stood up on wobbly legs. He walked over to his door, peeking his head out to check if there was anyone else there. There wasn't ,why would there be no one wanted to see the freak show.

He crept down the hallway to the bathroom, he turned on the light and slipped inside shutting the door but not locking it. He began rooting around in the drawers.

Then he found it, it was a razor to a shaving thing the one of humans had left. He picked it up twirling it in his fingers, he pushed up the sleeve of his black sweater.  He gripped the razor hesitantly and brought it to his arm, barely pressing down as he slashed it across his skin.

   Ouch I have lost myself again  
  Lost myself and there is no way  
         to be found yeah  
    I think that I might break 

He looked up into the mirror as bright red blood dribbled slowly down his arm. He stared at his reflection,into his empty eyes.

He hated how miserable he looked, he didn't even know who was staring back at him anymore. 

He tore his eyes away from the mirror opting to look down at his wound. It was a bit below his wrist,and  wasn't that deep it already stopped bleeding. He took a deep breath and pushed the blade across his skin again with more pressure.

He repeated the movement a couple more times until he got to his elbow. There was about 9 or 10 marks and a lot more blood. The bright red disgusted him it was further proof that he didn't belong. 

He was going to add some more cuts to the spaces between the ones already there, maybe he'd bleed all of his freak blood out. Then the door to the bathroom opened.

          Be my friend  
    hold me,wrap me up,unfold me   

His breath caught as the door swung open, he dropped the razor in surprise. His mind was swirling with new insults you idiot now everyone will know you're a freak,you can't even hurt yourself without fucking up, you're worthless.

He looked to see who'd caught him and was almost knocked off his feet as his eyes met,bright blue ones,human blue eyes. John. Why the fuck was he here.

John's eyes were blown wide with panic and sadness behind his glasses. John broke their stare as his eyes flickered down to Karkat's arm. "Why, why did you do this?" His voice was thick as tears threatened to overflow those brilliant eyes.

The troll swallowed,he attempted to say one of his usual snippy comments but couldn't build up the will. Then he broke,sobs ripping through him, vision blurring. He could barely make out the shape of John coming towards him.

He was surprised by the arms that wrapped around him and he tried to push them away but they clung to him even tighter so  he gave up.

He relaxed against the taller boy and sobbed into his stupid shirt. He balled his hands into fists gripping the human's shirt. He absently noticed the wet drops that we're falling into his hair,oh John was crying.

He pulled his face from the other's shirt, looking up. Behind his glasses John was silently letting out a stream of tears eyes closed. Karkat's hands unwound from his shirt, the lifted up to John's face, pushing his glasses up till they rested in his hair.

John's eyes fluttered open, staring down at the troll. Their tear filled eyes stared at each other. Karkat hesitantly leaned up and softly kissed away the tears that were falling on the boy's face, John's breath caught eyes falling closed again.

When Karkat pulled away he stared up at the blue eyed human. His staring was interrupted when the other boy spoke "I need to clean your arm,Karkat, okay?"

The troll nodded and looked down at his blood stained arm,it was throbbing slightly. He lifted his other hand to trace the  puffy slashes. Before he could though John's fingers were under his chin lifting his face up to look at the human.

"C'mon it's too late to change it,let me get you cleaned up, then we'll talk." He leaned over and placed a kiss on the troll's forehead. Pulling him by his good arm to the sink, he bent down pulling out gauze bandages.

John opened the box for the bandages. "I have to clean your arm off so you have to put it under the water,then I put bandages over it."

The troll just nodded, he was confused on what the hell had just happened why did he kiss the guys tears away,and why he couldn't seem to just yell at him to go away.

John turned on the water and gingerly pulled the shorter male's arm the spray. Karkat hissed and tried to pull away,John simply tightened his grip.

When the taller boy felt it was time he shut off the faucet. He glanced around the bathroom,then grabbed a towel off the floor eyeing it hesitantly before dropping it.

The troll simply stood there arm dripping stained water and throbbing watching the human. John suddenly just shook his head and picked up the towel. He brought it  up to Karkat's arm,wiping away as much water as possible without touching the cuts.

When he finished he tossed to towel away the grabbed the gauze. He placed it carefully over the wound closest to Karkat's elbow, then wrapped it around his arm. Karkat watched silently as he wound the gauze over the wounds slightly slanted so it would go down his arm.

"How," Karkat broke the eerie quiet,"how do you know what to do?"

He swallowed thickly, the blue eyed human seemed to know what he was doing like he had experience, for some reason that tore Karkat's insides apart.

John startled peeked up at the troll  looking away from his arm "Uhm well..I used to find Dave like this sometimes..and I just learned how to help the only way I could."

The troll let out a breath of what could was a mix of relief and sadness. "Oh"

John just nodded because there was nothing else to say. He turned his eyes back to bandaging his arm.

Karkat stared at him, watching his face the mix of a concentration and sadness. This was the human he'd grown pitch feelings for but at this moment he didn't feel anything relatively hateful for him.

He sighed this night had completely veered off course. He watched John tightly tuck the gauze down, the pull back. He looked up staring Karkat straight in the eyes ,before moving away to put up the bandages.

Karkat hit with a wave of embarrassment, he stared down at his feet. He was startled by John's hand under his chin bringing him up to face him. The troll reluctantly met John's stare,noticing how close the faces were,he felt his face heat up.

He was beginning to pity the human,goddamn it.

The blue eyed human stared down at him behind his glasses,noticing the blush growing on his cheeks god he's cute. He'd had feelings for the angry little troll for awhile, he'd come over to see if he wanted to hangout with you when you found him.

Johns heart broke when he saw him, first it was Dave and now him. He blinked realizing how close they were,but he didn't move away, instead he closed the space between them. Pressing a soft kiss to the troll's mouth, Karkat fisted his hands in the human's shirt in surprise before kissing back.

They broke apart foreheads still touching,eyes closed, only the sound of their breathing filling the room.

John broke the silence "C'mon lets go to your room and talk."

         I am small and needy  
      Warm me up and Breathe me

They trekked slowly to Karkat's room, checking the halls to make sure no one had come to see Karkat. John was holding the troll's hand letting him lead the way.

The duo walked slowly into the room, almost trying to stop the inevitable. John fixed a half smile onto his face grinning down at the troll before hopping onto the matress. He leaned up on one arm patting the area next to himself. 

Grudgingly Karkat followed suit clambering onto the bed,he hesitated before laying down facing away from John. He tensed up as he felt a cautious arm wrap around his middle,careful not to jostle his arm, then he relaxed against the taller boy,sighing.

They lay in silence again trying to stall before John once again broke the peaceful quiet. "So we need to talk,hm?"

"I don't remember anything in the realm of needing to talk but you probably will keep annoying me like the assmunch you are,so fine I guess." Karkat grumbled.

"Uhm welll.." John started awkwardly,absently toying with Karkat's hair.

Karkat rolled his eyes and leant into the soft touch "What?"

"Nothing..where do you want to begin?"

"...the beginning would probably be best." Karkat sighed, while putting a decent amount of sarcasm into his voice.

John tightened his arm around the trolls waist"okay."

Then Karkat began,taking a few breaths to calm his speeding heart beat. He started with how he'd always kept his blood hidden, how seperate he'd felt, how insecure. He told him about  the game how he felt like a failure, how unloveable and alone he felt. He stopped multiple times when he was unable to choke back his sobs anylonger. 

Each time he was forced to stop John would pull him closer, pressing soft kisses to the  top of his head and his neck until the sobs subsided. 

The troll had just paused his story again when John flipped him around so he was facing him, wrapping his arms around the troll once again. He pulled the smaller body against his own,one of his hands lightly tangling in the  troll's dark hair. He sighed pressing his lips on Karkat's forehead, waiting out the tears. 

Karkat's tears slowed again, and he opened his mouth to speak only to have his words cut off by John pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

"Shh thats enough for now." John I murmured against his lips. Karkat nodded closing his eyes, softly kissing the human.

He pulled back eyes slowly opening to look at John, his eyes were still closed but he wasn't asleep.  A small stream of tears falling down his cheeks, Karkat lifted his hand to softly slide over the human's side. 

John sighed,humming quietly at the touch he slowly opened his eyes looking back at the dark eyes in front of him. Today had been exhausting. "I'm gonna sleep,okay?" He received a nod from the troll.

  

He  closed his eyes again pressing one last kiss to the trolls lips before falling asleep.

Karkat buried his face into the sleeping boys neck, he sighed and breathed in his scent 'I feel better than I have in weeks ,its still not very good but atleast its progress.' being his last thought before losing consciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> [A/N yes  I know there are some inaccuracies with the bed stuff and other things but whatever,, anyways the lyrics are from the song Breathe Me by Sia]


End file.
